We held hands for 15 years.

Ever since I could remember, whenever we went out, we would hold hands as soon as we got out of the car – even if it was to buy vegetables at the market.

I can’t remember exactly when, but I would say around September 2014 that she began to reject my hand. And it got worse as the days went by. 

Suddenly looking at me or giving me a hug became a problem as well. She started to look at me with disgust, and told me she wished I was dead.

That pierced right through me of how cold hearted she became. Without any concrete evidence of what was going on in her life, I wasn’t able to understand why she treated me that way. 

I began to self-doubt myself. My self-esteem deteriorated. 

When I tried to dance with her one Saturday morning as the music was playing at home, and tried to hug her, she smiled and pushed me away. 

It was meant to be a rejection but with a smile hoping that I didn’t feel it, but I did.

Then the music on our iPod dock shuffled to the next song. She began dancing wildly and smiling and laughing and pointing her finger towards me and winked. 

The song was “Another man” by Itch.

It’s funny how all these signs seem to make so much sense months later.

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Working 2 jobs.

One thing I forgot to mention was that in August 2014, she got a day job with a logistic company in Blacktown doing administrative work. It meant going to work from 9am to 5pm.

It also meant that she had to stop working in the coffee factory because the hours were from 2pm to 10pm.

But you know when you’re having an affair you would tend to make things happen, right?

Somehow she managed to convince the logistic company that she had to get off work at 2pm on Tuesdays and Fridays – just so she could continue her shifts with the coffee factory. I mean who would do that if there wasn’t an incentive to do so?

To cut the story short, she worked her day job everyday, but on Tuesdays and Fridays she would leave at 2pm to work at the coffee factory till 10pm.

Sounded like she had a nice arrangement with the supervisor at the coffee factory to accomodate her on those days.

The wheel was in motion. Everything was perfect for her.

See no evil.

She started not to care about the home, which was very odd. By every account, she had always been obsessed with the cleanliness of the house – making sure that every inch, every corner was spotless. For 15 years of our marriage, that was how she was.

For obvious reasons, she began to care less and rather spent her time on her phone texting “her friend”. Sitting on the sofa, hiding in the room. She left the cooking and tidying of the house to the kids. 

“Texting” became her life now.

She began to have dinner dates with her old “TAFE” classmates and often would go straight after work and return home close to midnight. 

To be fair, she only went on these dinner dates 3 times with her “ex classmates”, and never seemed to be confident enough to tell me how the dates went. I noticed she would either cut the stories short, changed topics or found a distraction. 

I was still pretending and telling myself that this is just all in my head.

But the problem is, these signs became more obvious as the weeks went by. 

But I still chose to close my eyes.

Christmas Eve 2016

Christmas will never be the same for me anymore. Well, maybe for the time being until I sort out those awful memories of 2014.

So what used to be a time where we would all have dinner together and watch the children talk about their day – not this year.

Here I am sitting in my car, parked in the carpark of Woolworths Plumpton waiting for the 11.30pm service to start – it’s raining by the way (just to set to tone of my evening). And oh it’s only 9.32pm.

There’s just too much tension and bad memories for me to stay home at the moment. Whenever I see her, I see the face of the guy whom she cheated with. I can’t seem to erase these memories from my head. It’s driving me nuts.

Trust me, I’ve tried. 

That’s why I cannot wait to move to my own place (albeit a rental property), as I think it would do me good. It might be my saving grace.

Hopefully Christmas Eve 2017 will be much better than this. 

She was different.

We used to talk every night. Her iPhone was always on the table and the kids were free to play with the games on it. 

That all changed pretty quickly.

I would wake up at 2am and she would sitting on the floor by our bedside texting. Asking her politely who she was texting, and her reply was short “My sister”.

This went on every night – for weeks. Until one night, feeling a sense of insecurity, I asked her again. This time she shoved the iPhone right in front of my face and raised her voice “My sister! There! There! You wanna read!”

In all seriousness, the phone was so close to my face, that focusing on the actual text or who she was texting was impossible. It wasn’t that I needed proof, but deep down I knew it was a guy.

It didn’t take long and she moved out of the bedroom and said she wants to sleep on the couch from then onwards because her “back hurts”, and that our mattress was “too hard”. 

It’s incredible the sort of excuses or reasons people come up with when they’re cheating on you.

She now locks her phone with a passcode and the kids are no longer allowed to play with her phone. For obvious reasons. 

I really should have seen this coming, but I was too scared to accept the truth.

It was just a matter of time.

We had a dream.

“Had”.

Funny how people change. A person whom you supposedly married and lived for 15 years together. Sharing the same dream of making it for the family. 

Just a few weeks after getting her job in the coffee factory (I roughly recall around the end of June 2014), we were driving along a road in Blacktown and we spoke about getting a bigger house together. Now that she was earning an income, we could finally afford upgrading into a bigger house. It was always for the kids.

Everything looked so promising. 

In September 2014 (barely 3 months later), she was sitting on the couch one night texting her “friend”. I asked her when shall we discuss about our plans to buy a bigger place.

Her reply that night was telling, although I was still too blind to understand. 

“I don’t share the same dream as you anymore. Do whatever you want. I don’t care”.

Her eyes fixated on her phone and she continued texting.

She left me speechless and in shock without a care in the world. I felt sick almost instantly cos I suspected something wasn’t right with her anymore.

She was not the person I once knew. It was the beginning of the end for us. 

There was no more dream.

The Property Agent called.

Yesterday I got a phone call from the Real Estate Agent telling me that the owner of the property has approved my application. 

In my application, I stated that I would be ready to rent the place on the 30th January 2017. But I was persuaded by the agent to move in a week earlier (23rd January 2017). Obviously they didn’t want to leave the property vacant for too long-which is understandable.

Anyway, at 5pm yesterday I popped into the Real Estate agents office to pay the one-week rental as a holding fee. Meaning the property is now mine to rent and they will delist it from the property website. 

Well, as far as excitement goes, I must say it was pretty cool. But somehow there was a sense of fear in me. This would be the first time in my life that I have rented and giving up everything that I ever owned. 

I just hope that upon moving into the property in late January, the fear will disperse and I will realise that it was indeed the right decision. 

How it all began.

I woke up today, and memories came flooding back to me. It’s almost Christmas time – 2016. And it was towards the end of 2014 when my life fell apart. It has been 2 years and I am still haunted by the events.

When we first arrived in Sydney in October 2010, I struggled to get work and had to scrap for whatever was out there to support the family. I delivered weekly catalogs to approximately 1,500 homes, worked in a Chinese Takeaway restaurant, helped my mate install kitchen benchtops just to make ends meet. Finally through a friend’s referral, I managed to get a job as a “Purchasing Officer” in ING Direct in April 2011. The pay was low, but I was not complaining. I began to see the light at the end of the tunnel, and believed that things will get better for us.

Simultaneously, I was also working in Woolworths supermarket at nights from 9pm to 1am (sometimes till 2am, 3am and even 4am) to replenish stocks on the shelves for the following day’s trading. I usually get a 5-night a week shift, and occasionally on Saturday nights too. It was something I was willing to do because of the family.

I would wake up the next morning at 7am to get ready for my job in ING Direct. I was deprived of sleep, but it was providing us with a steady flow of income. So how could I complain?

In June 2011, we purchased our first home – a 3 bedroom house in Plumpton, NSW. I still remembered the joy on the children’s faces when we cleaned the place, bought furnitures, painted the walls, etc. It was a sense of accomplishment.

Things were getting better. We are finally able to say “we’ve made it”. We were living a dream. The Aussie dream of owning a house with a backyard, having friends over for dinner parties, drinks, BBQ. The weather was beautiful in Australia. I was so appreciative of the fact that we were lucky enough to make the journey here and thought of nothing else but living a simple life.

Nothing could possibly go wrong, right?

Acorns – Investment App

I found the most fascinating micro investment app last Friday. Apparently it began in America over a year or so ago, and has already managed to attract over a million members.

Acorns.

This investment app penetrated Australia earlier this year (2016) and has already attracted a few hundred thousand members. So basically how this works is that this Acorns App (downloadable on Apple or Android) is linked to your bank account (you can nominate which account to link it to), and will deduct any “loose change” from your daily spendings and “invest” these loose change into portfolios.

For example, you buy a cup of coffee using your Debit/Credit Card for $3.50, what Acorns will do is then round this spending to the “nearest” dollar – $4.00. Whilst you pay the merchant for the coffee $3.50, the $0.50 will be deducted by Acorns into your Acorns account to be invested as part of your portfolio.

It’s really cool because not only does it act as an investment tool, it’s also a form of savings without the initial huge spending that we all fear.

This App also allows you to see the daily performances of your portfolio, where there’s any gains or losses that you’ve made. You can easily withdraw your investment if you feel this is not working out for you.

For a limited time, if anybody who clicks on this link will be given $2.50 as an investment start up, I will get $2.50 as a referral investment as well. So we both benefit from this.

Acorns Investment $2.50 referral bonus

Try it.

Everything happens for a reason.

“Everything happens for a reason”

I have heard this phrase played back to me so many times in the last 2 years that I was beginning to despise it.

It was so difficult for me to comprehend the true meaning behind this phrase, until one day I found the “reason”.

Then all of a sudden I understood why my heart had to be shattered into so many different pieces.

I needed to feel the utmost pain – the most intolerable pain – before I could understand why this had to happen to me.

The reason is JQC.